Do you want more from your relationship?  Not sure how to improve your current situation?  Has something changed and you want to get back to what you once had? 

Take a few minutes to answer the following ten questions on our relationship/intimacy inventory for a quick assessment of the challenges and strengths you have in your relationship.  Understand that while all relationships face occasional difficulties, you can experience improved intimacy and fulfilling connections with your partner.  Grab a piece of paper and a pen (or print this page), and mark down which answer best fits your situation.  Remember that this is not a test - there are no right or wrong answers.  The point is to help you to see more clearly those areas in your life and relationship that are strong and satisfying, and also those areas that you may wish to work on and improve.  Seeing it in written down in front of you has a unique way of bringing clarity to the sometimes overwhelming situation you find might yourself in.

Go ahead - give it a try!  If you like what you see when you're done, great!  Appreciate what you have, and continue doing the good work.  If you see areas that you would like to improve, and would like some help or coaching along the way, please give us a call to see if we can't provide what you are looking for.  We'd be happy to help you strengthen your relational bonds. 

Let's get started!

1.  My partner and I are able to openly share our feelings with each other, and feel accepted and understood:
     A.   Most of the time
     B.   Some of the time
     C.   Occasionally
     D.   Infrequently, if at all.

2.  When we disagree:
     A.   It may result in conflict, however we can resolve our differences
     B.   Conflicts rarely occur, and if they do the situation appears to resolve itself
     C.   Conflicts go unresolved, and we prefer not to address the difficult issues
     D.   We no longer have conflicts and the issue goes unresolved

3.  Personal Style
     A.   We each have our own style, and they complement each other very nicely.
     B.   We each have our own style, but there are areas that keep causing some friction
     C.   It's a struggle, but I manage to maintain some of my own individuality
     D.   It's better if I don't rock the boat by trying to assert myself.

 4.  We usually agree on how to spend money, and on our financial goals:
     A.   Most of the time we agree, and are able to compromise or make adjustments when necessary
     B.   Our common interests and values do not cause any major conflicts
     C.   Many times we do not agree, and find it difficult to discuss financial issues
     D.   We may disagree, and my partner usually controls financial and other aspects of our relationship.

5.  Leisure time with my partner:
     A.   is relaxing and enjoyable, most of the time
     B.   may be enjoyable, if we both feel like participating in the activity
     C.   more often than I would prefer, our together-time ends up in a disagreement or an argument
     D.   our leisure time is spent alone or with others, rather than together

6.  I am satisfied with the amount of affection (holding hands, cuddling, etc) I receive from my partner:
     A.   Most of the time
     B.   Sometimes
     C.   Occasionally
     D.   Not at all

7.  My partner and I enjoy a satisfying sexual relationship:
     A.   Agree - I feel connected and comfortable with our sexual relationship
     B.   I feel we connect most of the time, however our relationship could be less routine
     C.   Sometimes we connect, but I would like our sexual relationship to improve.
     D.   Our sexual relationship is an area that can easily result in conflict and disagreement.

8.  My partner and I have similar values, beliefs, and long-term goals:
     A.   Yes, for the most part, and when we differ we are able to talk it through and come to agreement
     B.   Yes, with some areas that we have agreed to not discuss
     C.   We feel differently in a number of important areas
     D.   We don't discuss our personal feelings in deeply held beliefs

9.  My partner treats me:
     A.   with love and respect (lets me know that they listen and try to understand)
     B.   reasonably well (occasionally listens and tries to understand)
     C.   poorly (doesn't listen much, and dismisses my concerns or my attempts to connect)
     D.   with sarcasm and put-downs (acts like, or tells me that they don't care what I think)

10.  When I think about my future, I:
     A.   look forward to a great time growing old together
     B.   hope that things will continue to get better together
     C.   am concerned that our problems may not get resolved
     D.   am scared that these problems will stay, or will get worse.

Now give each "A" answer 4 points, each "B" 3 points, 2 for "C"'s, and 1 for each "D".  Add up the numbers, and come up with a total score.

If the total is:

35-40:
Overall, you are one of the "lucky" couples who have figured out that a relationship is hard work, but the rewards are well worth it.  Enriching your relationship, and continuing to address the conflicts that life inevitably presents to all of us, is the focus for you now. 

28-34:
You are in a reasonably solid relationship, but there are areas that you may wish to address in order to deepen your connection and intimacy.  Learning and practicing new relationship strategies will help to resolve those nagging problem areas, and help bring you closer together.  A trained and experienced therapist can guide you to an improved relationship.

20-27:
You have a number of areas that you are very concerned about, or that are currently troubling you.  Addressing these areas with a skilled and empathic therapist should help you change the negative relationship spiral, and begin to achieve a healthier and more fulfilling relationship. 

Less than 20:
You see that your relationship is in trouble, and probably has been that way for some time.  The lack of connection, the volatility in your relationship, or the isolation you are feeling has most likely caused you to wonder if it is all worth it.  Seeking out professional assistance is recommended in order to help you reverse course and get your life back on the track you deserve. 


REMEMBER - even if your total "score" was in the lower ranges, you are not alone.  Lots and lots of people were never taught how to have a healthy relationship - much less how much work is required to do so.  What's important is for you to take an objective, realistic look at where you are, and where you want to be.  Then learn the skills which will move you along the path to get where you want to go.  No one ever became an expert at anything without training (and hard work!), and relationships are no different.  Let us give you the knowledge, tools, and practice you need to accomplish your intimacy goals.  Call us at 763-270-0054 to get started.